Reality

Reality
If you need a place, in this reality
Just to be yourself, while everything seems awfully
To cry, to scream, to relief your heart
When you feel your world is falling apart
I will be right here, to wait and hope
And I will gently remove the rope
Which lies and tightens around your neck
Pull you away, and of course I’ll check
The light in your eyes is fading away
Turning black, turning cold, clearly with dismay
Your heart feels far away, gone to disappear
I want you to stay, I want you near
I smile at you, and try to remember
What it was like, no need to go further
Loneliness and sadness passing by
Hand in hand, with tears in the eye
Drowning in words, unnecessary pain
No need to describe, no need to complain
Your eyes are open, lightning once more
Watching, sparkling, just like before
I’ll hold you in my arms, hold you tight
Tell you, that we, together, have won this fight

Food for thought!

Sooooo my night was somewhat uneventful. One of my good friends is a model and she was walking in a fashion show in the Manhattan. It was a fundraising event for the homeless which I found to be very generous. Instead of charging a set fee for patrons they gave the option for us to donate any amount we desired. The entire concept of the event was very sincere and kind but the actual event was not so good.

Thankfully the host was able to keep me laughing at some moments. The actual fashion was mediocre but 90% of the models really sucked. They were really talentless. My friend was great and I'm not saying that because I'm biased because for the people who actually know me, knows that I tell it like it is. The highlight of the night for me and I'm sure for everyone else that was present was an 11-year-old little girl that also walked in the fashion show. She was GREAT!! She worked that runway like a professional. She was better than everyone in the showcase (including my friend..lol). I loved the fact that the designers didn't dress her inappropriately. I must admit that watching that her in that show made me realize that maybe I should model.....just maybe. It is surely some food for thought...

Moonlight Sonata

Beethoven is one of the most brilliant composers of all time. I taught myself part of the first movement of Moonlight Sonata tonight on my steel pan. Playing it gave me so much joy. The melodies and countermelodies are so sweet and soothing. It was what I really needed today. Playing it just right with all the dynamics almost made me cry. Moonlight Sonata has to be my favorite piece by Beethoven thus far. It is simple yet so effective. This song was so brilliantly intricate. I'm just getting emotional thinking about it.

It is said that this composition was and dedicated to Beethoven’s pupil and passion, 17-year-old Countess Giulietta Gucciardi in 1802. It is also said that this passage is rendered in absolute remembrance to a dear friend of the composer whom had lost their life at an early age. Analyzing and comparing, one could realize that it cannot be the case of a romantic moon lit night, but rather of a solemn funeral hymn. Nonetheless, one can hear the passion through every note played. If you want to understand what I'm talking about, feel free to click on the link below:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQVeaIHWWck

UPS SUCKS!!

Every time I order something from online and it comes to my house via UPS there is always some kind of delay or problem with my package. A couple months ago I ordered swim suits and it took over fourteen days fir it to get to my house. I didn't say anything because I need those items for January 2010 when I go on vacation. But nonetheless it took forever to get to my house because of UPS and not the company I ordered from. Earlier this month I ordered ten dresses from forever21.com for my band and what do you know it was shipped via UPS. Ten days passes by and no package was delivered to my house. So I go online and track the package. My item was shipped, it got to Brooklyn, NY and upon arrival in New York UPS had noticed my package was damaged and sent my package back to forever21's warehouse which is all the way in California. When I called the warehouse they explained that while my package was in UPS' care it got wet so they sent my package back. So my money was refunded. Last week I ordered more dresses for my band and paid for 2nd day shipping. I waited all day today for that package. I waited and waited but the doorbell was never rung. I heard the slightest knock on my door but by the time I got to it, there was no one there. On my door was their stupid notice saying that they attempted to deliver but there was no one available to sign. As soon as I saw that stupid piece of paper I ran down the six flights of stairs hoping to catch him. But I was too late, he had already pulled off in that stupid brown truck. Now I have to spend my entire day off tomorrow just to wait for him to return. Oh joy!

Thank God for my mother....

I love my mother. Although she may get on my last nerve at times, I still love her. No matter what she has always been there for me and has supported every decision that I've made even if she didn't like it. She's not only my parent but my friend, my confidant. I can talk to her about any an everything and I mean EVERYTHING! There is and will be no other mother like my mother. And she's not just a mother to me and my siblings, she's the mother of all mothers. My friends love her like their own mother and she makes them feel so loved that they too feel comfortable talking to her about anything. I wish I could say the same about my father, but I can't. The truth is he left my wonderful mother for another woman who isn't anywhere as wonderful as my mother. He didn't just leave her, he left me and broke my heart. After my dad left I began to appreciate my mother more than ever because she didn't leave us or forsaken us. My mother is a trooper and would do anything for her children, ANYTHING! Thank God for my mother because without a wonderful person like her in my life, I would be nothing.

F@#K IT!!!!

When I was a teenager, I would take everything so seriously. I cared a lot about what people thought about me. I wanted everyone to like me and when I found out that they didn't, it would take a toll on me emotionally. I used to cry a lot about it, A LOT! In fact I used to get upset that I would seclude myself in my room and sulk about almost everything. Until I got a case of what I call the "Fuck it" syndrome. This syndrome was introduced to me by my mother. The Fuck It syndrome is when you stop caring what people think and how they judge you. Instead of getting emotional about it, you say "fuck it" and it works trust me.

No more was I wasting my time worrying about what people thought. In fact, the Fuck It syndrome enabled me to feel comfortable in letting people know how I feel about them. A while ago an overweight woman told me I should eat more because I'm too skinny, I wasn't going to comment on her obvious implication that I'm anorexic but I said to myself, "Fuck It" and I told her that maybe she should stop eating because she's too fat! I know that suffering from this syndrome may get me beat up one day but fuck it!

Halleluyah

My band and I are currently preparing for a concert that is going to be held on December 4th, 2009, in a cathedral in our neighborhood. I must tell you it takes a lot of hard work and dedication. I'm basically in charge of the non-financial affairs of the band. This means that I organize practice times, I make sure that each person knows the music that is given to them by the music director, and last but not least I'm in charge of how we look at every event. I must say that it is not an easy task for I work part-time and go to school full time and everyone in my band is of different ages and sizes. But I do it because I love it and I love my band. So whenever we have an event I go the extra mile because if one person looks or sounds bad, we all look and sound bad. It has been a task finding an outfit for the women of the band because we decided to wear dresses. Finding inexpensive dresses took a lot of searching. Thankfully I've found the perfect dresses today and they only cost $8. That's AMAZING!! HALLELUYAH!!!!! I have been searching for long dresses that are not revealing and it took me almost a month to find. These designers are making such skimpy dresses, I know that we are in a recession but damn add some more fabric.

I'm an addict!

I'm an addict! I crave it all the time. I can't get enough of it. I wanna do it everyday but I can't. So I have to settle for the weekend when we all can meet and create something so beautiful together. I love weekends because I get to fulfill my undying crave. Don't worry for a speak not of a drug (legal or illegal) but I am speaking of my drug :).......MUSIC! Yes music. Every weekend my steel band and I meet up and practice. No matter how bad of a mood i could possibly be in all I have to do is play my instrument and all my troubles just slips away. I just realized that I'm never in a bad mood on weekends....lol.

I fell in love with it when I was thirteen. I became very engrossed in it. It came second to almost everything. I broke up with at least three boyfriends because of it. They just didn't understand the unconditional loving relationship that I have between me and my steel pan; they were jealous. But I enjoy playing beautiful music, it has helped me through so many heartaches and any other pain that I had. So would I ever lose the love I have for my instrument?? NEVER!!! I wouldn't trade it for anything.


BTW.....if anyone does not know what a steel pan is feel free to read my past blogs about it :)

Alone

I love this poem and just felt the need to share :)


Alone


Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.


There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.


Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.


Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.


Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Written by Maya Angelou

Why I Keep My Hands to Myself...

Why do I keep my hands to myself on the train? Because people are fuckin nasty. What I saw today was the last straw. So...I'm sitting on a Manhattan bound B train on my way to work, equipped with the iPod in ear, listening to Trey Songz croon about him inventing sex. This guy walks in looking kinda scruffy, gets on the train at Church Avenue. At first I didn't really pay him much attention but his continuous coughing really annoyed me. It wasn't because I was afraid of contracting the H1N1 virus, but he wasn't covering his mouth. Shit like that has always grossed me out. When I was younger, maybe like 10, I watched this documentary that showed how fast germs travel when we sneeze or cough. So I felt he was coughing on me. Anyways.....he kept coughing. Apparently the mucus came up in his mouth because all of a sudden he dipped his head and spat under his seat. At this point I was like...."WTF! Oh no this man didn't just fuckin spit on the train!" (I said it in my head though....lol) I looked around and noticed that I was the only one that had witnessed this crime. I know that there are grosser things that happen in public places but to actually be inches away from such a nasty ass act in really troubling.

The other day,again on the train, this woman had her kid in the stroller and her little bundle of joy was happily sucking away at his bottle when the bottle falls from his hands and onto the floor. Wanna guess what she did??? Well I'll tell you. She picked up the bottle, wiped the nipple off on the sleeve of her short and stuck that sucker right back into her child's mouth. Well I looked at her like she was insane and envisioned myself slapping some sense into her. I must admit that the nasty people that I encounter on the New York City public transportation has slightly turned me into a germaphobe :(

Good Hair!

I watched "Good Hair" yesterday. Its a documentary narrated by Chris Rock and is basically about black women's obsession in achieving "good hair." He interviewed regular working women and celebrities and their definition of good hair is hair that is straight and long and not NAPPY!!!!! So basically the consensus states that once you are not born with straight hair then you don't have good hair. Now I think that is a bunch of bullshit. From these women saying that, it is safe for me to assume that in order to be accepted in society then your hair must be a certain way??? Seriously, I have no problem with women perming, relaxing or weaving (Hell, I'm guilty of perming), but if the basis of it is to be accepted then something is terribly wrong with how your views. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good but at what cost.

Speaking of cost....a lot of working women spend a minimum of $1000 a month for weaves. WOW!!! That is a lot of money. And that's just for the hair, we haven't included the cost for putting it in. Plus when you finally put in the weave you have to go back to the salon every 2 weeks for wash and treatment to maintain the hair. These are women who make between $50-$75 thousand a year. So let's do a little Math.

Weave $1000
+
Getting hair done $150
+
Treatment $120 (twice a month)
GRAND TOTAL $1270 per month
If she decides to change her weave every month then for one year getting her hair done will cost $15,240.

Spending that kind of money on something so superficial is completely insane. I don't care...I SAID IT!

"....because you are stupid!"

So I had another run-in with a retarded customer. My day is usually filled with them but there are just certain attitudes that really annoy me. This customer wanted to return an item without a receipt. I explained to the customer that our store policy states that if there is no receipt present all I can offer is a store merchandise credit card, which is only valid for purchase. This woman started speaking at the top of her voice because she was not pleased with her option because she is a "valued customer." In my mind I'm thinking, "If she shops here all the time then she does not lose if she gets a merchandise credit." Any who........ I told her, "Miss I would be happy to continue to assist you but I must ask you to lower your voice" She said "Don't you tell me to lower my voice little girl." and continued with her dramatic display. I looked at her laughed, walked away and called my manager to finish with her. In the end she still got a merchandise credit card. About 15 minutes later the same customer comes up to me and says, "this is why you work at Urban Outfitters because you are stupid!" She did piss me off but my fist reaction was to just burst in laughter. She really thought that a comment like that would have made me react with some kind of violence but I gave her what she didn't expect. The look of confusion on her face while I was laughing made that entire moment very priceless.

Is that all Miss??

It amazes me how insanely mean and rude people could be. Working in retail can really mess with someone's psyche. I as a cashier work in a clothing store on SOHO and on weekends it's always busy. So I get the particular customer that was so rude. First of all she was on the phone, that really annoys me because their attention is focused on the phone call and not on the transaction that is being done. I greet the customer politely nonetheless and she pays me no mine by continuing to carry on with her conversation. She then paused for a few seconds to let me know that she wanted to return 2 items but she wanted them done separately. So I do the first return as requested and asked, "Is there anything else Miss?" She looked at me and continued her conversation, so I said again, "Is that all Miss?". She responded by saying "Yes! I told you I have another return, I said it twice already." Meanwhile the item that she wanted to return was still in her possession tucked away in her handbag. Already annoyed, I took a deep breath and said. "May I have the item please?" Well apparently I was disturbing her precious conversation because this stupid b*&@ had the audacity to take a deep sigh of annoyance and proceeds to tell the person on the other end of the line, "Let me call you back because apparently I have to give this GIRL my full attention." It is not what she said but how she said it that really pissed me off. She was talking at me instead of to me. I am not some little high school kid, I'm a grown women. It pisses me off that some people think its right to talk to you however they want because "THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!" That saying is utter bulls*@t. It took a lot out of me to keep my composure and finish that transaction without cursing her out for being a complete douche-bag.

My Love :)

So the purpose of my last three blogs about the Steel Pan was to introduce this instrument to my readers who may not have the knowledge. Also, steel pan is the LOVE OF MY LIFE! I am a member of a steel pan orchestra in Brooklyn, NY and I attend rehearsals religiously every weekend. I can safely and pridefully say that steel pan is my one true love; it has never cheated or disrespected me, we never have fights and it always do what I command it. Playing my instrument is a major part of my life. Life without music is non-existent in my opinion. Before I was introduced to this instrument, I would write in my journal to get my feelings out. Now I use the creative way of playing my instrument. What a great way to get out of a rotten mood by playing beautiful music :)

Steel Pan (pt. 3--Making a steel pan)

There are actually three phases to making this unique instrument.

Step 1: involves the selection of the oil drum, the quality and strength of the metal is very important. In this stage, the initial sinking of the drum is done by using a 40-pound sledge hammer and/or a cannon ball to the bottom of the drum. This process called "sinking the drum" can take anywhere from 5-8 hours of constant hammering. This is because the metal must be stretched evenly without tearing or deforming the original shape of the rim of the drum. I must add that this process is the noisiest and most tiresome part of the pan-making process. It is also within this process where the side of the drum or "skirt" is cut to suit the type of steel pan being made.

Step 2: After sinking the drum is then exposed to heat to make the metal stronger more resilient. Originally, pan maker would take their drum down to the beach where they would build a bonfire and burn the drum for a short period of time and then dunk the extremely hot drum into the ocean to cool. This process os known as "tempering"; it makes the metal a lot stronger.

Step 3: is called "tuning." The sunken tempered drum is then marked by pencil or chalk to signify where each note would be placed. The tuner then uses a nail and a hammer to form grooves so that each not is separated. This process is the most important because it isolates each notes' vibration to give every note its distinctive pitch. After the grooving the notes, the tuner then turns the drum over, pounding each grooved part inward making them stand out like bubbles. With the help of a tuned device (for example a key board), the tuner is then able to manipulate the vibration of each raised bubble to the note desired by using a smaller hammer to smoothen each note.

When the tuner is satisfied with the tone of the instrument, it is then dipped in chrome or painted as desired. To see a brief video on how the instrument is made you can click on the following link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQu5Unc_TNY

Steel Pan (pt. 2)

As I had mention before, steel pan (drum) was invented in the mid 1940's in the Caribbean twin island country of Trinidad and Tobago, just off the coast of Venezuela. This instrument came about completely by accident by Winston "Spree" Simon but the tone that these concave shapes in a drum motivated him to perfection. The end result was the first steel pan ever made, which he named the "ping-pong". This consisted of consisted on an eight note scale in the key of C major (C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C). Word of this new and exciting instrument spread quickly. This led to the development of the instrument.

By the 1950's, the name Ellie Mannette became well known as well. The ping-pong later changed from having eight notes to 30 notes and was renamed the "tenor pan". This is thanks to Ellie Mannette, who took Spree's main idea and developed it so that the instrument carried every note on a musical staff and their relative octaves. To understand better, the following is a layout of a tenor pan with labeled notes...

Steel Pan (pt. 1)

Music has always been a passion of mine. I have been singing since I was 4 1/2 years old and I have been a performer for the past 18 years. I stopped singing a long time ago when I started to play an instrument. This instrument is called the Steel Drums, better known as Steel Pan to my native country of Trinidad and Tobago.

The Steel Pan is the only instrument invented in the 20th century and is made of discarded oil drums. Just like most inventions, the steel pan too was created by accident. Around 1942 or 1943, a 12-year-old boy from Laventille (a small town in Trinidad) named Winston "Spree" Simon, loaned his large iron "kettledrum" to a friend. When it was returned, his drum had been beaten concave and had lost the "special" tone Simon liked. He started pounding the under surface of the drum back to its original shape and discovered that the pounding created different pitches or notes. He produced a four-note drum and, by this accident, started the transformation of the steel "drum" from a rhythm instrument into a melodic one.