Thank God for my mother....

I love my mother. Although she may get on my last nerve at times, I still love her. No matter what she has always been there for me and has supported every decision that I've made even if she didn't like it. She's not only my parent but my friend, my confidant. I can talk to her about any an everything and I mean EVERYTHING! There is and will be no other mother like my mother. And she's not just a mother to me and my siblings, she's the mother of all mothers. My friends love her like their own mother and she makes them feel so loved that they too feel comfortable talking to her about anything. I wish I could say the same about my father, but I can't. The truth is he left my wonderful mother for another woman who isn't anywhere as wonderful as my mother. He didn't just leave her, he left me and broke my heart. After my dad left I began to appreciate my mother more than ever because she didn't leave us or forsaken us. My mother is a trooper and would do anything for her children, ANYTHING! Thank God for my mother because without a wonderful person like her in my life, I would be nothing.

F@#K IT!!!!

When I was a teenager, I would take everything so seriously. I cared a lot about what people thought about me. I wanted everyone to like me and when I found out that they didn't, it would take a toll on me emotionally. I used to cry a lot about it, A LOT! In fact I used to get upset that I would seclude myself in my room and sulk about almost everything. Until I got a case of what I call the "Fuck it" syndrome. This syndrome was introduced to me by my mother. The Fuck It syndrome is when you stop caring what people think and how they judge you. Instead of getting emotional about it, you say "fuck it" and it works trust me.

No more was I wasting my time worrying about what people thought. In fact, the Fuck It syndrome enabled me to feel comfortable in letting people know how I feel about them. A while ago an overweight woman told me I should eat more because I'm too skinny, I wasn't going to comment on her obvious implication that I'm anorexic but I said to myself, "Fuck It" and I told her that maybe she should stop eating because she's too fat! I know that suffering from this syndrome may get me beat up one day but fuck it!

Halleluyah

My band and I are currently preparing for a concert that is going to be held on December 4th, 2009, in a cathedral in our neighborhood. I must tell you it takes a lot of hard work and dedication. I'm basically in charge of the non-financial affairs of the band. This means that I organize practice times, I make sure that each person knows the music that is given to them by the music director, and last but not least I'm in charge of how we look at every event. I must say that it is not an easy task for I work part-time and go to school full time and everyone in my band is of different ages and sizes. But I do it because I love it and I love my band. So whenever we have an event I go the extra mile because if one person looks or sounds bad, we all look and sound bad. It has been a task finding an outfit for the women of the band because we decided to wear dresses. Finding inexpensive dresses took a lot of searching. Thankfully I've found the perfect dresses today and they only cost $8. That's AMAZING!! HALLELUYAH!!!!! I have been searching for long dresses that are not revealing and it took me almost a month to find. These designers are making such skimpy dresses, I know that we are in a recession but damn add some more fabric.

I'm an addict!

I'm an addict! I crave it all the time. I can't get enough of it. I wanna do it everyday but I can't. So I have to settle for the weekend when we all can meet and create something so beautiful together. I love weekends because I get to fulfill my undying crave. Don't worry for a speak not of a drug (legal or illegal) but I am speaking of my drug :).......MUSIC! Yes music. Every weekend my steel band and I meet up and practice. No matter how bad of a mood i could possibly be in all I have to do is play my instrument and all my troubles just slips away. I just realized that I'm never in a bad mood on weekends....lol.

I fell in love with it when I was thirteen. I became very engrossed in it. It came second to almost everything. I broke up with at least three boyfriends because of it. They just didn't understand the unconditional loving relationship that I have between me and my steel pan; they were jealous. But I enjoy playing beautiful music, it has helped me through so many heartaches and any other pain that I had. So would I ever lose the love I have for my instrument?? NEVER!!! I wouldn't trade it for anything.


BTW.....if anyone does not know what a steel pan is feel free to read my past blogs about it :)

Alone

I love this poem and just felt the need to share :)


Alone


Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.


There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.


Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.


Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.


Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Written by Maya Angelou

Why I Keep My Hands to Myself...

Why do I keep my hands to myself on the train? Because people are fuckin nasty. What I saw today was the last straw. So...I'm sitting on a Manhattan bound B train on my way to work, equipped with the iPod in ear, listening to Trey Songz croon about him inventing sex. This guy walks in looking kinda scruffy, gets on the train at Church Avenue. At first I didn't really pay him much attention but his continuous coughing really annoyed me. It wasn't because I was afraid of contracting the H1N1 virus, but he wasn't covering his mouth. Shit like that has always grossed me out. When I was younger, maybe like 10, I watched this documentary that showed how fast germs travel when we sneeze or cough. So I felt he was coughing on me. Anyways.....he kept coughing. Apparently the mucus came up in his mouth because all of a sudden he dipped his head and spat under his seat. At this point I was like...."WTF! Oh no this man didn't just fuckin spit on the train!" (I said it in my head though....lol) I looked around and noticed that I was the only one that had witnessed this crime. I know that there are grosser things that happen in public places but to actually be inches away from such a nasty ass act in really troubling.

The other day,again on the train, this woman had her kid in the stroller and her little bundle of joy was happily sucking away at his bottle when the bottle falls from his hands and onto the floor. Wanna guess what she did??? Well I'll tell you. She picked up the bottle, wiped the nipple off on the sleeve of her short and stuck that sucker right back into her child's mouth. Well I looked at her like she was insane and envisioned myself slapping some sense into her. I must admit that the nasty people that I encounter on the New York City public transportation has slightly turned me into a germaphobe :(

Good Hair!

I watched "Good Hair" yesterday. Its a documentary narrated by Chris Rock and is basically about black women's obsession in achieving "good hair." He interviewed regular working women and celebrities and their definition of good hair is hair that is straight and long and not NAPPY!!!!! So basically the consensus states that once you are not born with straight hair then you don't have good hair. Now I think that is a bunch of bullshit. From these women saying that, it is safe for me to assume that in order to be accepted in society then your hair must be a certain way??? Seriously, I have no problem with women perming, relaxing or weaving (Hell, I'm guilty of perming), but if the basis of it is to be accepted then something is terribly wrong with how your views. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good but at what cost.

Speaking of cost....a lot of working women spend a minimum of $1000 a month for weaves. WOW!!! That is a lot of money. And that's just for the hair, we haven't included the cost for putting it in. Plus when you finally put in the weave you have to go back to the salon every 2 weeks for wash and treatment to maintain the hair. These are women who make between $50-$75 thousand a year. So let's do a little Math.

Weave $1000
+
Getting hair done $150
+
Treatment $120 (twice a month)
GRAND TOTAL $1270 per month
If she decides to change her weave every month then for one year getting her hair done will cost $15,240.

Spending that kind of money on something so superficial is completely insane. I don't care...I SAID IT!